RECOVERING IN RECOVERY

July 30. Sometimes when life sends you lemons you just don’t want to make lemonade. You know what I mean.

I’m the queen of personal development. I love podcasts, inspirational messages, business strategy books, complementary medicines but I have to say I am #tired.

I know these are just feelings and feelings aren't facts that is for sure. But dang its not only exhausting it downright annoying. And then sprinkle on a little hormones and boom, you a decadent recipe for internal destruction.

I am being a little dramatic I know but honestly, sometimes it really feels like this. The pressure of the world or your spouse or the kids or your job isn’t the comfort we hear about from the weighted blankets.

Exactly the opposite in fact. I feel like I am spinning. And at the same time trying to grab ahold of the things that need to get done, the people I want to connect with, the work I have to complete.

One thing I know for sure, I am responsible for putting the spoke in that wheel. I am the...

July 21. Have you ever felt like time was moving so fast that you wondered if you even participated in your life?

The days are passing by full of all the things, mostly good just full and then suddenly its Wednesday when you still had a foot in Sunday? That’s where I am. I am literally shocked that it is Wednesday. I was just playing golf with my parents and hanging with the kids on Sunday.

So if that’s any indication about how my life is going, make whatever inferences you want. The past couple days have been challenging to get the workouts in and done.

Yesterday I was super stretched with time between events and found myself feeling a bit stressed about it. I did a 45 minute Tabata workout in my basement, reshowered and got dressed to go out for a meeting and found myself with time to spare. 

I got home later than I expected, the kids were wound up so I gave them some time to talk, finally crawled in bed with my headphones and meditation after ten pm. 

Then wham. I realized I di...

July 19. Today is Day 7 of the #75HardChallenge. And thankfully we had a major temperature drop which I believe had a big impact on my 45 minute jog this am.

I took our beloved Samson with me for his first jog. Samson is our seven month old Irish Setter puppy and the just the best. He is a fuzzy, snuggly teddy bear. And he did great. He isn’t allowed to run to far just yet so I circled back to drop him off and continued on.

My head is in a much better place. My body however, is SORE. I feel like I have been through the wringer.  Things are improving though. The insides of my body feel clean. Now its just a matter of keeping up the healthy eating and letting the muscles get used to all the work.

I was ruminating on something I said last night when Nora’s two guy friends were over one of which is new to me. He was a polite young man with great hair.

He said “your house is really nice”. Nice thing for a teenage boy to even notice let alone say out loud. I responded with “thank you. It...

Nutrition is a big part of health and probably the one that trips most of us up the most. Speaking for myself as someone who has had a complicated relationship with food I know it does for me.

So keeping things practical and simple is my best strategy.

And holy smokes if you start looking into things online or even at a book store your overwhelm and anxiety can go from 0-60. I just googled healthy diet and there are pages and pages of information, much of which will be conflictual. How the heck are you supposed to know which one is best for you.

I like to keep things very simple. When I am working with women who want to make these changes in their lives we take things slowly and make it practical. My favorite response when people say what is the best way to eat is Michael Pollan’s quote “Eat real food, not too much, mostly plant”. That’s it. Eat real food.

This is not easy in a world that not only glamorizes alcohol but is obsessed with food. And not real food but convenient food. ...

July 17. I have been focused and meditating on the concept of being my own coach. In fact, that’s what we are in our lives right? We are in the driver’s seat. Making the decision to do or not do.

But at least for me, for way to many years of my adulthood I have resisted this truth. Seems weird right. Resisting being in charge of my own life. Because it is.

As children growing up, so much of our lives are not in our control. We are born to parents in a country, and situation that we didn’t choose. Then we are bought random clothes to wear, put in a school, made to eat certain foods, hanging around certain selected people.

With age we start to have more choices but even still living in the protection of your family provides some sense of being controlled. We aren’t completely independent.

I launched from the adults who raised me and began to form my own life. Make my own decisions and earn money. I had to start parenting myself.

But addiction stunted my growth. It kept my brain in a...

July 16. Today is my birthday. Yup 46 years have past. And for the past 19 of them I have been sober. I shared a post on my Facebook page this am about this day almost two decades ago. I will paste it below in case you didn’t see it.

This is the beginning of day 4 of the #75HardChallenge and I am pretty fatigued. The soreness has set in which is of course normal I am asking my body to do a lot and I am also still detoxing from all the abuse I have done to my systems for the last couple of years. I can feel my gut healing though as I nourish it with live whole foods, tons of water and rest when I can.

I can feel God opening my eyes a little to some new things. I think it must be those barriers breaking down. I have had more than one coach, counselor, guru, marketing expert etc tell me that I am the problem. My limiting beliefs have created walls and once they are kicked down I will be catapulted into the 4^th dimension. I deny it publicly but my heart knows the truth. There are some bu...

July 15. Up before my alarm so I enjoyed those few minutes as my snooze button and started my morning routine. Those minutes to me are the bonuses of life. If you haven’t heard my rants about the perils of the snooze button and the actual brain research to support it, check out the Confident Sober Women Facebook Group or podcast by the same name. It’s a real thing.

I planned my first workout to be outdoors to avoid to much of the heat and set out with Winnie, my six year old German Shorthaired Pointer.  If you don’t know her she is the best dog that ever lived and has kept us on our toes in more ways than one for all 6 years.

I have lost 4 pounds. And I can feel the change happening that I mentioned yesterday. Food makes such a big difference and my goal in life is to continue to shout that from as many rooftops as I can to help others understand. The inflammation is melting away. The pain is subsiding and being replaced with soreness from the workouts.

Winnie and I set out for a ni...

July 12. A true test. DH (Darling Husband) asked if I wanted to exercise with him in the am. If you don’t know our story you can read about it in my memoir, Recovering In Recovery.  He is also a runner and although not in marathon shape at the moment certainly a lot closer than me.

Last night, I said I could jog for 30 minutes but reminded him I am super slow and can barely make it to that time.  He agreed. But in my head I was already doubting the commitment to go with him. Traditionally we would do a lot of talking about issues etc. and the last two times I jogged I was listening to headphones and just trying to breathe. So the idea of talking or even not talking but being stuck with silence was nerve wracking for me.

Plus, I know that he has been running a lot and might not be thrilled with my snails pace or short time frame despite his agreement.  But I can do anything or 30 minutes right. I got up, had my coffee and quiet time and off we went. The air was thick this mornin...

July 11.  It’s Sunday and the waking up wasn’t easy.   My body has been sore and exhausted. More validation of how out of shape I am and how much I have let myself go. I spent some time meditating about all the people in the world that wake up feeling that way all the time. How challenging it must be to not feel good all the time but what’s worse is not really knowing you don’t feel good.

I was planning to go to the gym today since I didn’t workout yesterday and I was ready for some resistance training. For some reason (maybe a God wink here), I left that house way to early as the gym doesn’t open until 8am.

On the way there I had the thought of doing another 30 minutes. I figured I could go for a run and then use the gym to stretch and do whatever feels right at that time.  Unexpected but I’ll go with it.

I set out with a podcast to keep me company along the way. It was The Armchair Expert interview of one of my personal heroes, Oprah Winfrey.  She is an incredible woman with a tra...

July 9. Dropped the kids off at swim and drove to the park. I only had an hour so had been thinking on the way up I should just try to run 30 minutes. See how it feels. 30 minutes.

It wasn’t as hot and humid as it had been and very flat. I put my earphones in, found a podcast and started a slow jog. I resisted the usual thoughts of I can’t believe you are in this place. Why did you let yourself go so much? You have trained for 5 marathons. Ugh.

They weren’t strong today. I was grateful.

The first half was good I felt the power my breathing was normal I was enjoying the scenery. At 15 minutes I started breaking down (it still baffles me and breaks my heart a little to see that in writing) but I was determined.

There was a lot of sadness in my heart from the tragic murder of a young person in our community the day before. My girls loosely knew both of the kids involved and they were in shock. So very senseless and tragic.  About then I got a text from my mom asking about...